Why don’t you like me?

Why don’t you like me?

Is it because I cry

Too much and too often

And you wonder why?


Why don’t you like me?

Is it because I’m too raw

And being with me isn’t easy

And you didn’t like what you saw?


Why don’t you like me?

Is it because I can be cold

To protect my heart from being hurt again

Despite what I’ve been told?


Why don’t you like me?

Is it because of how I feel,

The way I think about things

And with my sensitivity you can’t deal?


It hurts to be taken for granted.

It hurts to like and not be liked back.

It hurts when I have to hide the real me

Because the fake me has a better chance.


Maybe I won’t get the answers

To the questions which I ask.

Yet I know God will love me

Even when I take off the mask.

In Between Land

It’s not hot… it’s not cold…

It’s not dull… it’s not bold…

This is the in between land…

This isn’t good… this isn’t bad…

I’m not happy… I’m not sad…

This is the in between land…

Things aren’t far… things aren’t near…

Things aren’t loathed… things aren’t dear…

This is the in between land…

There’s no beginning… there’s no end…

I don’t stand out… I don’t blend…

This is the in between land…

It’s not short… it’s not long…

It’s not perfect… it’s not wrong…

This is the in between land…

They always say…

They always say…

It’ll be okay.

They always say…

Bad things won’t stay.

What if it’ll never be okay?

What if bad things always stay?

What if there isn’t a happy ending?

What if there isn’t always mending?

What if some things never change?

What if pain goes beyond the range?

Some things in life are broken.

Some things are better left unspoken.

This isn’t an escape.

This isn’t an excuse.

This is acknowledgement

To avoid self-abuse.

One day though, God will wipe away my tears [Revelation 21:4].

On that day I can truly leave behind my fears.

Wearing a Mask

Although I was once clearer than glass…
Now I must wear this mask.

Behind this mask are my hopes and dreams…
Too simplistic for the world they seem.

Behind this mask my eyes reach for the stars…
Behind this mask I hide my scars.

Although this mask hides the true me…
It has become a part of my identity.

I took off the mask for some to see…
Some parts were beautiful, yet others were ugly.

Only a few can stand with me when my mask falls apart…
They love me without my mask since they love my heart.

Perhaps there will be a day when I need the mask no more…
Till then I need it to hide my core.

Waiting

She waits everyday… from dawn to dusk…

She waits everyday… with no luck…

She waits everyday… years go by…

She waits everyday… at times wondering why…

 

“Do you not grow tired of waiting?” they ask…

Yet she waits everyday… heart set on the task…

There are days when she stumbles, days when she falls…

Yet she rises each time, standing strong and tall…

 

One day she will find

The exact plan God had in mind…

For He has made everything

beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

 

 

Alone

There is a certain coldness

That heat can’t melt away.

There is a certain aloneness

Since nobody chooses to stay.

Thoughts come and go

Time just passes by.

I don’t no what to do so

I just lie here and cry.

If I try to explain

It doesn’t make any sense.

To those who don’t know this pain

It’s just a bunch of nonsense.

I’m not sure if I will ever find

Someone who can truly love me…

After seeing my wounds and hurts and mind…

And still love what they see.

This is just a feeling, I know I’m loved

By the one who created the stars above…

By those who I call family and friends…

Their love for me will never end.

Is it really that hard?

Here I sit, far away…

Wondering if anyone would ever stay…

When things get real and life gets rough…

When everything in life seems tough.

Is it really that hard to hold my hand?

Is it really that hard… with me to stand?

Why is it always someone else who occupies the heart?

Will I ever get an opportunity… to even start?

Yet, this I believe, that God has a plan…

Above every possible imagination of man (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Someday He will let me see…

What He really wanted me to be.

I’m not sure what it feels like…

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To know when love starts.

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To be in someone’s heart.

 

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To not hide under this hood.

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To be understood.

 

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To smile without reason.

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To have someone in every season.

 

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To have a future in sight.

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To have someone who feels right.

 

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To have something more than lust.

I’m not sure what it feels like…

To have someone you can trust.

 

 

 

The Outer Shell

 

There are sorrows, there are burdens

There are joys, there are dreams…

There are treasures, there are secrets

Life is more intricate than it seems…

 

There is so much within us

And there is so much we keep

Fearing that we would be judged

To be too cold… or too deep

 

To the world we try

To show a side which could sell

All the while our true selves

Hide in our shells…

 

We fear anyone who gets too close

We try to hide… yet we let them see

All the while… wondering if they really understand

How our hearts long to be set free…

Midnight Light

I wait here standing in the night…

Searching for a glimmer of light.

In every direction I try to find…

A shadow… formed from light of some kind.

 

Why am I here… my heart repeats…

Why does my heart even beat?

Is there something more to this life…

Than the pursuit of happiness… and strife?

 

As I search for answers… the stars emerge…

And I feel my hope surge.

You are the way, the truth, the life, the light (John 14:6, John 8:12)

Like stars glimmering in the midnight.